


Idiot

by Lesetoilesfous



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Fluff, M/M, Reunion Fic, Strong Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 05:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4378421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lesetoilesfous/pseuds/Lesetoilesfous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reunion Drabble, Post Canon, AU.</p><p>'Gon catches him, of course. He knows with something like nausea that Gon could find and catch him if he ran to the ends of the earth twice over. Could find him where Illumi couldn’t. It'd be a long battle but he’d lose because no one could stop Gon Freecs from chasing what he wanted and if there ever was such a person the last one on earth that it’d be was Killua Zoldyck.'</p><p>Gon crashes back into Killua's life with a customary lack of grace. Killua doesn't plan on letting him off that easily. Turns out Gon's patience doesn't stretch much further. Meanwhile, Kurapika and Leorio cover the damages.</p><p> </p><p>(Background Leopika is barely perceptible, apologies if you're looking for more of those lovely two, afraid it's not really here!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Idiot

It had been years. Now all four of them were sitting in a booth, and Leorio and Kurapika were laughing at Gon’s stories like they’d parted recently enough to still remember the sound of one another’s voices. Killua sat in the corner with his arms folded and tried not to make a scene. Instead he glared, and resolutely ignored the way Gon bumped into him every other heartbeat with an over enthusiastic gesture. A jostle of an elbow, a brush of the knuckles, a bump of the shoulder, his touch was everywhere and there were very few people in the world who could get away with that with a Zoldyck and Gon Freecs wasn't supposed to be one of them. (Any more.) Killua sat, and simmered, and concentrated hard on doing nothing at all.

 

He’d met Gon the day before. He’d punched him, and was fairly proud of the violet ring he’d managed to land on his cheek. This victory was somewhat soured by the fact he was 95% sure Gon had let him. He’d apologised and Killua hadn’t accepted it, and they’d walked and he’d scowled but he hadn't walked away because after so long leaving his side again seemed like giving up breathing. So he’d stuck around, listened to Gon’s meandering apologies and explanations and excited exclamations. _"You’re so tall now Killua! Your aura has changed! Your hair is so nice!"_ Killua blushed and blushed but didn't fuss as he once might have done. When, finally, Gon admitted with a sheepish grimace that he’d invited Leorio and Kurapika to meet them the next day, that even Kurapika had accepted (of course he had, it had been years) Killua had stomped into his hotel room, slammed and locked the door, sat against it like he did when he was a child and knew it would do nothing against Illumi, and resolutely didn't cry.

 

They’d spent the morning in uncomfortable quiet. Gon had brought his room service to Killua’s room and had, apparently, ordered the entire breakfast menu for both of them. He fidgeted and rubbed his neck and laughed, softly. He reminded him of a puppy or a child and Killua touched nothing despite the audible gurgling of his stomach. Gon got a call from Leorio and true delight broke through his nervous guilt like a sunburst and Killua glanced away because if he kept looking he didn't know what he’d do.

 

Five hours later, Leorio and Kurapika arrived. Kurapika glanced from the bruise on Gon’s face to Killua and snorted, Leorio looked about ready to pull a similar feat but gave up at the last moment and wrapped Gon into a rib-crushing hug. And then he tugged in Kurapika, and simultaneously Kurapika and Gon grabbed Killua, and so he found himself sandwiched between two of the strongest men he knew and three of the closest to his heart and he kept his arms by his sides and scowled and flushed and said nothing.

 

Then Leorio had laughed and his eyes had been a little damp, and Kurapika’s had too, and Gon’s, though he was smiling so widely it had to hurt, and Killua knew he could deny it under torture but a tear might have escaped him, too. Leorio said he needed a drink and Gon laughed and said he could murder a beer and Killua stared because that was new and Kurapika knew somewhere nearby and so they went. For hours now they’d been there, trading the stories of their lives, and Killua had said little to nothing and nursed his whiskey and cursed every god he could think of and a few he made up that he couldn't get drunk more easily or more quickly. Instead he settled for glaring and, occasionally, slicing a bitter jab at his companion.

 

"And so I jumped!"

 

Leorio burst into laughter and Kurapika’s eyes widened, though he was smiling, too. "You jumped off the cliff?"

 

"Did you expect to grow wings?" Killua’s voice drips with venom and Gon's mouth turns down, just a little, just enough for him to notice, before his smile returns and he continues with his story. They learnt to read each other without words within months of meeting, and so Killua knows he's getting to him, and he smirks at his whiskey and steams when Gon doesn't stop with the touching. Leorio and Kurapika act as if they haven't noticed.

 

The hours pass and the conversation slips into a slower tempo, circling old loves and new companions. Kurapika shrugs but Leorio loops an arm around his shoulders and both of them blush, a little, as they explain.

 

Gon and Killua speak together, smiling. "At last! Took you long enough." And Gon beams at Killua and Leorio sputters and Kurapika hides his face in his hands and Killua scowls at his whiskey. And then Gon’s asking for all the details and revealing exactly how preoccupied he is with romance and its accoutrements and Killua is glaring at the bar and calculating how long it would take to kill everyone there but those in that booth.

 

Kurapika and Leorio are sighing and holding hands now and then Kurapika says "what about you?" And Killua stiffens where he is staring into the crowd and acts like that’s natural. Gon shrugs with the shoulder he's pressed next to Killua and his smile softens and falls as he nurses his beer, staring down at the table's gleaming plastic surface.

 

"There were some. We tried. But we couldn't." He let out a long, gusty sigh, meshing his fingers together. "Couldn't connect. You know?"

 

Leorio nods, sympathetically, but Killua can feel Kurapika’s eyes on him and the ghost of a smile and he flushes and scowls.

 

"Not surprising. Your emotional intelligence equals that of a horsefly."

 

Gon frowns, turning to him at last. "That’s not true."

 

But now he’s engaging and Killua’s heart does a backflip and he meets his gaze and sneers and doesn't know why he feels so angry, suddenly, but he’s excited too and he presses on regardless. "Yes it is. You couldn't spot true love if it punched you in the face."

 

Gon raises an eyebrow. It stretches the skin around his purple cheek. "How would you know?"

 

Kurapika clears his throat but both of them ignore him. Killua smirks. "You’re an emotional idiot. Lacking higher functions." He taps his forehead for emphasis and his smirk widens when Gon scowls. "I can tell."

 

"How."

 

Killua sits back, relaxing even as Gon’s anger grows. He can feel it creeping into his aura and he doesn't care. Or he cares too much. Or both, somehow. "Come on. Have you forgotten already? I knew it was piss easy for you to drop me but really. You should keep better tabs on potential threats."

 

"You’re not a threat to me." Gon says it firmly and Killua sits forward and sets down his glass and lets every moment of pain that has broken his heart in the night and at the dawn and every fucking day break through with it.

 

"How would you know?" He growls, face inches from Gon’s, looming into his personal space. Gon meets his eyes steadily but his are shining, blazing with fury and something else and viciously, Killua is delighted. He smiles, speaking softly. "I made a living out of killing chumps like you. I could do it again." This time Kurapika clears his throat more loudly, twice. Killua doesn't take his eyes away from Gon, or where his hand has clenched so tightly around his bottle that it’s cobwebbed with cracks, or his aura, in angry turmoil around his body and stretching far enough, even under his control, to have the lights above their heads flickering.

 

"So how about you Killua?"

 

Killua is surprised enough to glance away, and the moment is broken. Gon’s back thumps against the bench as he folds his arms and glowers at the table. The moment he lets go of his bottle it shatters. Leorio stares but Kurapika maintains a steadfast facade. Killua shrugs. "Had a few here and there. It’s not hard. I learnt manipulation a long time ago." Kurapika’s brow twists.

 

"It’s not really the same thing."

 

Killua shrugs, making a point of glancing at Gon and holding the look for a beat. Gon doesn't act like he’s noticed but it's Gon and he couldn't have missed it. "Isn't it?" Killua folds his arms behind his head. "I’m happy for you both. I really am." And he means it and lets the warmth filter through his words. Then he shrugs. "I’m just not sure I’ll ever have that. The only people that can keep up are like me." He glances at Gon again. "Selfish and manipulative. And I couldn't drag someone lesser into my life. It’d get them killed." Leorio sighs.

 

"You know. That’s not as selfish as you might think. Rude. But not selfish." Killua shrugs and opens his mouth to say something else but Gon beats him to the punch.

 

"Is that really what you think of me?"

 

The corner of a smile curls Killua’s mouth, but he opens his eyes wide and adopts the innocence he never truly had. "Hey. I never said you specifically."

 

"Don't lie to me Killua." It's a snarl and Killua blinks away his pretenses, narrowing his eyes.

 

"You left me. You used me. And now you’re back like nothing has happened, expecting me to go along with it like I always have, and you know what, fuck you." Killua’s own aura is crackling now, and his and Gon’s press against each other and swell, simmering with the stench of ozone. Kurapika and Leorio tense and the bar’s patrons who know nothing of Nen grow uneasy, wondering aloud about storms and hurricanes and hurrying out into the clear night air. Those who do say nothing at all, but they leave as well, with wary backward glances. Killua doesn't notice. He doesn't care. "I mean what the fuck are we to you, asshole? Toys? Puppets?" His voice strangles and breaks on the word and he can nearly hear Illumi over him, saying the same word, and he won't be there again, he won't do it again. "We’re our own people! We do what we want, we make our own choices, we have our own feelings. Our own lives! You can't just pick us up and throw us away when you get bored. There are consequences!"

 

He’s half standing now and the restaurant's lights are flashing and dimming, crackling with the electricity crashing outwards from his body. Had it been anyone other than Gon Freecs, they’d have been burned just by being there. But it is Gon and he pushes right back. Leorio and Kurapika get out of the booth at about the same time the table between them crumples with the pressure, smelling of smoke.

 

"I know that, Killua. I apologised." He speaks slowly, steadily, and does so with difficulty.

 

Killua lets out a strangled cry, pushing forwards, and Gon lets him and they get out of the booth and now they’re standing a few feet apart on the bar’s laminated floor and it's boiling where they touch it. "Maybe sorry isn't good enough!"

 

It's Gon’s turn to shout, and when he does his aura flares, cracking the plaster on the walls with its pressure like an earthquake. "I was 14! I made a mistake!"

 

Killua snarls, and electricity flares around him in great snake like tendrils. "And then you were fifteen. And sixteen. And seventeen. And eighteen. And nineteen. It’s been _five years_. And you did nothing!" With each number lightning strikes. The bar catches fire. The floor tiles wrinkle and melt.

 

Gon doesn't move. He stands his ground and stares, fists clenched, aura trembling. "Then what do you want me to do Killua? What do you want?"

And it's Illumi again, and he’s 12 years old, and he’s not allowed to have wants and then he’s 14 and lost and he’s learning why he wasn't. The words rise from somewhere deep and painful in his gut, breaking past his teeth and his tongue before he can stop them. "I wanted you to stay!" Killua’s voice breaks, and just like that his aura dissipates. "You were supposed to stay. I needed you. And you left." He chokes, and tears are running down his face and smoke is filling the building, slowly, and Leorio and Kurapika are crouched in the corner, though they don't look afraid.  He brushes his cheeks with the back of his hand, trying to find the anger that he lost as Gon stares at him, his own fury departed, a great dizzying absence where previously it had the building full to bursting.

 

"Killua."

 

He says it quietly, reaching out, and Killua finds a spark and fans it, backing up and away. "No! Screw you. Asshole. Moron. Idiot. Bastard. _Fucking shitting dickhead_. I hate you."

 

It’s a terrible lie.

 

He runs.

 

* * *

 

 

Gon catches him, of course. He knows with something like nausea that Gon could find and catch him if he ran to the ends of the earth twice over. Could find him where Illumi couldn’t. It'd be a long battle but he’d lose because no one could stop Gon Freecs from chasing what he wanted and if there ever was such a person the last one on earth that it’d be was Killua Zoldyck.

 

It's raining, now. He has a feeling it might have to do with he and Gon. It wouldn't be the first time he’s meddled with the atmosphere. He doesn't care. He stands and is damp and objectively cold, though he doesn't feel it. He glares at Gon as he walks across the cobbles towards him and doesn't try to run because it would be pointless, and he knows how to recognise defeat.

 

He’s speaking almost before Gon reaches him. "I loved you and you broke my heart. You were all I had and you left me. I gave up everything for you and you gave me up." Water runs down through his hair and into his eyes and onto his cheeks. He delivers the words softly, tired, in a monotone, and stares at the little rivers forming and flowing round the stones. "I can't find a reason to forgive you for that."

 

Gon lets out a long, long breath. Then he reaches out for Killua’s cheek. He flinches and Gon’s fingers curl and he glances at his expression in time to wonder whether this is what’s hurt him the most so far. Part of him thinks it’s good. It’s not his heart. The traitor.

 

Gon lowers his hand, staring down at his feet. "I am sorry. And I don't know how to make you see that or how to make it up to you. Believe it or not, I’ve spent five years trying to figure that out." Killua doesn't believe it. Can’t. But he listens. "At first I told myself it was just because I needed time. That you’d understand, that other things were more important." Killua stiffens, and he barrels on. "But then I realised that they weren't. I felt like I’d lost part of myself. Not a small part, either. Like a lung. And every day I had to fight just to keep breathing. By that point, I was guilty. Sad. Angry, with myself, mostly." Gon stares down at his hands, and then back up at Killua. Killua keeps watching the rain. "I figured I’d change. Train. Become stronger. Grow up. I told myself it was to impress you. To keep you safe. To keep up with you." Killua glances at him out of the corner of his eyes to try and find the lie, but can't. Gon smiles a little. "Some of it was. But mostly I think I was just frightened. Of what I’d done. Of you." He says it very, very softly. "And the longer I left it the more scared I was. And months became years and the fear and the guilt grew and I didn't know to fix it so I avoided it instead. And then I saw you."

 

Killua blinked. He’d have remembered an aura like Gon’s. Gon smiles, catching his expression. "I was using zetsu. I’ve been practicing." He shrugs, blushing a little. "With my aura I can’t-" He doesn't need to finish, because Killua knows, an aura  as spectacular as Gon’s would draw every nen user in a 50 miles radius. He clears his throat. "I’d missed you so much. And so I decided to face you. It took another 12 months to work up the courage to follow through." He chuckles, and it’s forced, and he rubs a hand through his thick damp hair. "That’s gone well so far."

 

Killua huffs. "You're an idiot."

 

Gon smiles, recognising the white flag for what it was. "Maybe." He reaches out again to touch Killua’s cheek. Killua watches him warily, but this time he lets him. His palm is as calloused as he remembers, cold and damp with the rain. "Have you ever lost something so precious that you don't know what do when it's gone?"

 

Killua shuts his eyes. "I didn't lose anything. It left."

 

He can feel Gon’s fingers tense against his cheek. He sighs and opens his eyes and looks at him. "I had given you everything, and I’d have given you more." He meets Gon’s eyes. "And you didn't care." He shuts his eyes, laughs a little, though it comes out closer to a quiet sob. "Did you even know?"

 

Gon’s hand is still on his cheek, fingers still tense, so it’s a surprise when the other lands, hard, against his shoulder. The punch is so fast Killua might not have blocked it even if he had been paying attention. Instead he opens his eyes and stares, then scowls, shifting almost imperceptibly to get away. "What was that for?"

 

But Gon’s hand moves away from his cheek and then he’s bracketed between his arms. Gon’s wearing a vest despite the rain and Killua has a distracting moment to notice the dark hair wrapped around the muscle of his forearms, so much more defined than before, the curving slopes of his shoulders and biceps, the freckles and rich sun kissed brown of his skin and the smell of him, like leather and grass and the sea. At the same time he’s reckoning whether he’ll duck under or jump away or just try and break a limb to break his grip and while he’s deciding Gon presses closer, and his chest is broad and his shirt is clinging and they were having an argument, damn it, but now he’s filling Killua’s sight and lungs and he can’t look away. So he doesn't.

 

Gon gets within millimetres of his face and Killua has no personal space left and if it had been anyone else they’d be missing an appendage or three by now and even so his claws are out on instinct. Gon shakes his head and smiles and he’s not using Nen, not even holding Killua in place, he’s caught him as far as he can tell with raw bloody sex appeal and the strategy is far too damn effective.

 

"Haven't you been listening?" His eyelashes are long and thick and dewed with rain, his cheek bones, sharper now he's older and grown, are kissed with freckles, and Killua tells himself not to look at his lips and does anyway and kicks himself because they’re chapped and pink and full and if he breathes too quickly he’ll be touching them.

 

He doesn't say anything and tries to tell himself it’s out of choice. "Alright you know what? My turn." Gon’s right hand cradles his cheek and his left arm is braced against the wall beside Killua’s back and his whole world is filled with him as he pressed his forehead to Killua’s and stares into his eyes with a gaze that’s gold and blazing. 

 

"It's always been you, idiot." Killua stops breathing, but Gon isn't finished. "It always will be you, idiot. I fucking love you, idiot. I love you with everything I am, with my heart and my soul and my fingers and my toes and that's never going to stop being true, not if the sun falls from heaven, not if the world stops turning, not if the sky comes crashing down around us. Right up to the end of time I have been destined for you, or something, because it's the only way to explain the fact that every part of me, every damn cell, every drop of blood, every heartbeat finds you irresistible. And always has." Gon pauses, breathless and flushing. Then he scowls and adds, as an afterthought. "Idiot."

 

He leans forward at about the same time Killua surges into him and for moments that might have been hours or lost heartbeats they are utterly lost. They fall into the warmth and cool and taste and smell of one another until they forget where their edges are. Killua clutches Gon’s face between his long slender fingers and Gon lets him, wrapping the heavy weight of his arms around his back and holding him close and so tightly his feet barely brush the ground. They embrace until their lungs are aching and even then they hold on, pulling back only for tiny gasps of air before pressing back into the line of one another that fits so gently and so well. Their teeth bump and Killua knots his fingers into his hair and pulls hard and his rib cage aches against the desperate strength of Gon’s hold but he’s engulfed in the scent of him and it’s intoxicating. Gon barely pauses for breath, eyes shut, tasting and sucking and biting and pulling, desperate, till Killua’s lips are swollen and he’s smiling and pink.

 

 

He opens his eyes to see Gon, freckles and tan rich bronze in the evening light that's broken, at some point, through the clouds. He’s gleaming with damp from the rain that’s stopped and presses forwards for another kiss. Gently, Killua uses his grip on his hair to push him back, just a little. "What, are you drowning?" He smiles, one hand letting go of his hair to trail back, palm cupping his cheek, thumb tracing the shape of the bone beneath, wiping it clean of the rain that looks like tears where it's fallen. "Breathe."

 

Gon opens his eyes, mouth open and wet. His pupils are blown wide, dark and rich with lust and he shakes his head, huffing a laugh as he pushes Killua back against the wall again. "Idiot." He moves in to press a line of desperate kisses along his jaw and throat, pressing his shoulder to the wall with his free hand hard enough to crack the brick behind it.

 

Killua laughs and lets him.

**Author's Note:**

> So this isn't how I headcanon this going. Actually, I only just finished the Yorknew city arc in the 2011 anime, so I don't even know much about their Nen, let alone their leaving one another. But I've bumped into enough stuff and had my own thoughts that I wanted to get this out. I hope you enjoy it, it's just an idea!


End file.
